Rite, so you'd like a few tips on how to do things.......
well, here i am, just to help you along with my vast knowledge of world affairs and how to make beans on toast...
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First.........
How to annoy your teacher.. ( dedicated to Gohan, cause he loves his teacher.)
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- picture of Gohan in class...

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Now as you may or may not know, teachers are evil.
They use propaganda to brainwash you into thinking they have low paying jobs....
its not true, they get lots of money..
never trust these creatures, as they will judge you, torment you, and betray you in flash... now go get a glass of milk and calm down...
and read on..
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- I Want To Annoy My Teacher!!
SO, you think you're ready, eh? here's a few tips....
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-Number Uno:-
Speak gibberish or other languages when called on.
In fact, just try to talk a lot in general.
The evil one will scream its head off at you for being a distraction, or it will pretend that it never called on you in the first place and instead call on one of the strategically placed sheep in the class.
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-Number B:-
Whenever the need arises, always forget your alphabet.
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-Number Pacman:-
Steal the teachers role call before class and write "pacman" down as a fellow classmate, "Stalin" and "Betty Boobs" are also great options.
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-Number Ci:-
Whenever called on, always forget what you were going to say, and repeat something someone else said who was obviously wrong, as much as possible.
And make a big deal out of answering and getting picked on.
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-Number Fore:-
Spell everything wrong. It may harass your grades, but it will give the teacher wrist cramps in having to correct every mistake you "accidentally make". Teachers will jump at the opportunity to show their little intelligence and to correct your errors, so, go ahead, let 'em. This can also help in wasting their ink. [Insert evil professor laugh]
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-Number Emo:-
For one day every week, act nearly fatally offended by every word the Evil One speaks.
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-Number poopie:-
Be intolerably immature during conferences or private discussions...(just like me)
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-Number leet:-
For one day each week, write |1K3 7|-|1$.... ( like this )
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-Number ??? ermm!!?:-
For one day each week, forget how to count.
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-Number Whose:-
Avoid the word 'whom' at all costs, this will annoy the Evil One a lot.
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-Number PANTS:-
When the class is quiet..Laugh and yell "Haha! I'm not wearing any underpants!!!"
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-Number date:-
Come in every morning early, and when the Evil One goes out to gather the class or whatever, change the date.
But make it unnoticeable, so you can't be singled out. This can be amusing when in the middle of class, " IT "becomes suspicious as to whether it really is February 29th.
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- Number YES:-
Every answer is "Ehh I dont know." Be polite and not sarcastic.
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- Number Over 9000:-
Make your answer for every question (both on paper and when you are called out) "Over 9000!!!!!" even though the question has absolutely nothing to do with numbers.
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-Number look at my butt:-
Pretend to be retarted. They'll send you back home.... very quickly.
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-Number Sparta!!!:-
When ever you can in class, yell "THIS IS SPARTA!!" the Evil One will think you are retarded and send you back home... very quickly.
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-Number EVERYONE:-
WARNING: this will annoy everyone within hearing radius, even students.
At every single opportunity yell "I LOST THE GAME!" at the top of your lungs, this gets a class very off topic and will irritate the most cool calm and collected teachers.
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Well I hope ive helped to make your school day a bit better now that you will be able to defend yourself against the EVIL ONE...
*runs back to the Asylum*..

This is very helpful I plan to do some of these very soon (You damn dirty ape mrs. jokny! This is the last time you shall ever cross me

P.S could the next one be about how to not get teased at school (I have made it very clear that on Art Castle I have made more friends then in my entire lifetime)

YEAH! Now I can irritate my teacher to DEATH! Mwahaha!
I will surely try Uno, Fore, Date. The others are too risky XP

remember guys, these are all just rubbish stuff and just for fun, dont go getting yourselves in trouble with the... EVIL ONE...
And Gohan, no, i didnt know you get teased a lot or that you dont make friends easy in real life, but hey mate, you got some good friends here, but remember, were online friends, you gotta have real life mates aswell.
So, if the teasing is just ordinary school boy teasing, like calling each other gay an stuff, dont worry about that mate, just agree with them.. like saying.. "yeh, yeh, so it is." to anything they say, and just laugh it off, and iggy them.. (ignore them.)
But if the teasing is getting like bullying, dont take it mate, tell everyone you can that some people are bullying you, you'l be amazed at how many people cant stand bullies.
And.. yeps, i'l try my best to get some stuff thought up about .. how to avoid teasing..

Yay cause yeah ask SP he was with me it's not just normal "School-boy" Teasing it is full on teasing by pretty much everyone in the school

Rite, i'm not gonna ask what their teasing you about, cause i'm not trying to embarrass you or anything.
But seriously, dont let them see that its getting to you, cause thats what they want to happen, try to ignore them and dont answer back on the same subject, cause all your doing there is keeping it going.
Just shake your head as if their all dumb and walk on, if them people see that their not getting a rise out of you, then hopefully they'le stop and move onto someone else.
And again... DONT let them get to you, ok.
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Rite mikey.. c'mon get your thinking head on and see what the Asylum Inmates say about avoiding teasers.

Good advice Mikey. and if they don't stop I shall call you and bex to come eat there soul (I just finished Soul Eater)

yeh me an bex can sort anyone out for good... like full stop and dead stop..
Yeh, ive read that book and seen the movie, "Soul Eater" its a not bad movie.
And dont worry bout going off topic in my threads, i actually dont care, cause its usually me that does it first..
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And here's a true story for you...
my mate nicky used to get bullied at school a lot cause he was small and a little bit tubby.
but after he left school he sorta got taller and his puppy fat turned to muscle, so anyway, he was in a nightclub one night with his mates and he spotted one of the main guys that used to bully him,
so nicky just looked across at him until the guy finally recognized him.
The guy came across to nicky and said.. hi, listen, i'm really sorry about all that crap at school, i was a right idiot and i'm really sorry for causing all that shit.
Nicky just looked at him and said yeh, no worries, i'm a lot bigger now.. and he shook the guys hand to prove that it was all finished with.
Like nicky said to me.. that guys had to come across the dance floor to say sorry to me, i didnt have to apologise for nothing..
And thats all true mate.

*Whistles* Here bex here boy *whistles again* good boy now go kill that child

How to get a lot of post.

SPAM!!

Present for Madman..
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How to....
- Become an Admin.
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Admins have long been feared as bringers of doom, and they live in the darkest bowels of Hell.
Some have feared them. Others have dreamt of becoming a Dark One. Becoming an Admin is a simple task, if you follow these directions.
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create a few threads that are exciting and interesting.
(Find topics like that at Wiki)
By creating such articles you will ensure that the Admins notice you and give you what you deserve.
Your name may be mentioned at their weekly Whiskey-and-Coffee Morning Meeting and, over time, you may gather support amongst your would-be peers.
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Cravenly curry favor with the admins. This is a duh!!.
Buy them things like.. cookies or flowers.
Do anything you can to make them like you.
Do not anger them! Admins have a power greater than any known in Wiki. Many times a user who was being a n00b has vanished from the world completely, never to be seen again... except perhaps as a pile of pitiful whitened bones in a forgotten corner of a vast foreign desert.
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- NOW!! You need to summon a large Admin from hell. You'll need the following items.
A dark brown cloak.
A sharp knife.
A useable computer.
Choc-chip-cookies.... cause i'm wanting some.
A life sacrifice. If you can't find one, you can always buy one from eBay. Traditionally a n00b from the forum is used, however. Pick someone who writes poorly and whom the admins already hate.
Firstly, cut yourself. Collect 8 litres of blood without dying and put it in front of you.
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Recite the following...
Ring around the Wiki
Admins, admins, pick me!
Ban list!
Iron fist!
Annoint me with the Power.
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After this, an Admin will appear. If your potential is large, a large Admin will appear. If you have enormous potential, an enormous Admin (with a six-pack)will appear. Give him the cookies, let him enjoy them.
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After that, kneel in front of him/her with your sacrifice. Slit his/her throat and let the Admin consume him/her. Please make sure that there are no peanuts, because Admins are allergic to peanuts. He will ask to use your computer. Let him. He will add you as an Admin and return to Hell.
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- There, your an Admin.. now Enjoy banning people you don't like because you think there're ugly, and deleting "perfectly good" articles and generally having fun.

mikefx wrote:Present for Madman..
.

.
How to....
- Become an Admin.
.
Admins have long been feared as bringers of doom, and they live in the darkest bowels of Hell.
Some have feared them. Others have dreamt of becoming a Dark One. Becoming an Admin is a simple task, if you follow these directions.
.
create a few threads that are exciting and interesting.
(Find topics like that at Wiki)
By creating such articles you will ensure that the Admins notice you and give you what you deserve.
Your name may be mentioned at their weekly Whiskey-and-Coffee Morning Meeting and, over time, you may gather support amongst your would-be peers.
.
Cravenly curry favor with the admins. This is a duh!!.
Buy them things like.. cookies or flowers.
Do anything you can to make them like you.
Do not anger them! Admins have a power greater than any known in Wiki. Many times a user who was being a n00b has vanished from the world completely, never to be seen again... except perhaps as a pile of pitiful whitened bones in a forgotten corner of a vast foreign desert.
.
- NOW!! You need to summon a large Admin from hell. You'll need the following items.
A dark brown cloak.
A sharp knife.
A useable computer.
Choc-chip-cookies.... cause i'm wanting some.
A life sacrifice. If you can't find one, you can always buy one from eBay. Traditionally a n00b from the forum is used, however. Pick someone who writes poorly and whom the admins already hate.
Firstly, cut yourself. Collect 8 litres of blood without dying and put it in front of you.
.
Recite the following...
Ring around the Wiki
Admins, admins, pick me!
Ban list!
Iron fist!
Annoint me with the Power.
.
After this, an Admin will appear. If your potential is large, a large Admin will appear. If you have enormous potential, an enormous Admin (with a six-pack)will appear. Give him the cookies, let him enjoy them.
.
After that, kneel in front of him/her with your sacrifice. Slit his/her throat and let the Admin consume him/her. Please make sure that there are no peanuts, because Admins are allergic to peanuts. He will ask to use your computer. Let him. He will add you as an Admin and return to Hell.
.
- There, your an Admin.. now Enjoy banning people you don't like because you think there're ugly, and deleting "perfectly good" articles and generally having fun.

No offence to Fred lol

nah, Fred knows i'm just messing about....
Admins are cool,
Admins are class,
Admins are just
a pain in the a..
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only joking Fred m'boy.. i'l apologize on msn or skype later....... much much later..

Lol , no need to. I actually had fun reading it all! Haha as said before , adore your humor!
You should be a comedian. Maybe that's what you can do when you retire?

cheers Fred..
And oh, thanks, tell everyone what i work as why dont ya..
and hey, your doing quite good with the humour yourself... I like the " Spammers " line at the bottom of your posts...

Woops! Removed it for your sake
And why, thank you

Its ok Fred, thats me just messing about, i wasnt really bothered, i was only joking about...

Damm!! now i cant tell everyone i'm a brain surgeon..
Owell, back to the Asylum..

Why what did the last line say?

lol mike your jokes are very funny

Thanks Sandy.. and stop being nosey Madman.. only joking mate.
Fred knows i'm a maniac errr!!
Yeh ok, i'm a top secret test pilot for top secret airplanes which have no names cause there top secret and are kept in a top secret location which doesnt exist just like Area 51 which is also top secret, in fact its so top secret, that even the top secret agents dont know where the top secret key to the top secret front door is.........
Rite, what were we on about again..!!? ive forgot... oh yeh, a coffee.. brb.

Woo! I sure do wanna know that top secret place!
Has it got written on the door? "DO NOT OPEN , TOP SECRET!"

Yeh, and thats just the toilet..
"the super dooper pooper room"

Rite, so you fancy a boiled egg for breakfast...
well here we have the...
How to boil an egg...
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First you need an egg.. well duh!! course you do..
a nice fresh egg... huh!! what!!? NO, not that fresh... now leave the chicken alone..

Just get a fresh egg from the shop, its a lot easier..
Good, now you got your egg, now get a pan, fill it with water and put it on the cooker, now boil the water.
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Next, place your egg gently into the boiling water....
arrgh!! jeez!! fingers!!! aaah!!bloody hell, thats hot...ouch, much hotness.
Use a spoon to place the egg gently into water...
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Now wait Three minutes....
go post summit helpful and sensible in the forum while your waiting, thats what I do while i'm waiting..... well, missing out the helpful and sensible bit.
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Rite, three minutes are up, now lift the egg out of the boiling water...
Arrrgh!! jeezuz!! waaargh!! nooooo!! my fingers... quick, cold water.
Lift the egg out of the boiling water with a spoon.
Then place your egg into an agg cup, now slice the top of the egg off, there, now you have a ,lovely boiled egg already to eat.
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Now go enjoy your boiled egg.. while i go tend to my injured fingers...

How to literally slap your foes without even making them realise-

Act as if you are telling them a joke. Repeat this to them-


'Hey bud, I'm gonna tell you 4 short, but funny stories. Listen to them.
1st story : A husband was taking his wife for a ride in the bike. He was riding too quickly, so the bride requested him to slow down. Suddenly, the groom stopped the bike, got off and slapped the bride so hard. When she asked why did you do that, he said "*sarcasm* Is it me riding the bike or you?"

2nd story : When the couple reach their home, the wife serves the dinner. When the husband tastes it, he says "Yuck! This dosen't has any taste in it! Go put some more sugar!" This time, the wife slaps the husband hard. Then she says "*sarcasm* Is it me who is cooking the food or you?"


Now, you have to trick your friends. Continue-

"4th story :..."

When your friends ask you "What happened to the third story", slap them hard. Then say "*sarcasm* Is it me who is telling the story or you?"

--

Try it on your friends, but make sure you don't hit them hard


Edit : I'm sorry if you don't understand it, coz this was originally told to me in Telugu, which can't be converted in English easily..

funny story, but if i slapped any of my mates i'd probably get slapped twice as hard back from them..